that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
