He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
