I CAN MOONWALK!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
