been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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