i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
