Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize