He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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