I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
