Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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