I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
