i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
