I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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