Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
