I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
