If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
