can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
