After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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