I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
