My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
