His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
