I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
