I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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