Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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