Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
