i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
