Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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