if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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