I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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