a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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