I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
