you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
