well I can't set my house on fire every night
4 words: hood of his car
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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