I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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