Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
