I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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