I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
