Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your penis caused this!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
