Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
