Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
