I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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