lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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