Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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