WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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