Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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