Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
