He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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