I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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