guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
