So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
