In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize