the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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