how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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