I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize