I heard we made out
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
