Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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