I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize