You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
