Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize