i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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