the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
