I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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