people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We got so high we made milksteak
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
