Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
