My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
