I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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