I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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