im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
