My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
