Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
