You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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