I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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