Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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