Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
