My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
