Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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