You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
