Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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