All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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