I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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