Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
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