I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize