If i come over, it means nothing
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
