I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
