Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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