Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
