if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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