we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize