You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
