She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
