I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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