Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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