It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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