But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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