I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
