He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
