Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
