I need help removing her.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Randomize
