I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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